a death makes you realise how insignificant life really is.



i still can't believe it.

same old same old i guess.. so a proper update in case you were wondering what was actually happening.

+ i'm redecorating my room. re-arranging and so many other things. more things on walls, using clothes on hangers and material for wallpaper and fixing things up. maybe a new fishtank for my fishy. a big long one, so i can put more in. sweeeeeeeet. maybe those pictures i've been waiting to post up for so long will eventually come to exist :/
+ aquiring new clothes. opshops are amazing. so are trainlines. enough said :)
+ riding is going amaaazingly. honestly, strength and practice are about the most things i need to work out. i'm so happy, seriously i have no idea how far things have come in such a short amount of time.
+ my godbrother is going to be in melbourne over july. he's here for the whole month, and rachel (his sister) and his mom and dad will be down for a few weeks. i heard him talking on the phone to dad, he sounds so ridiculously grown up. hopefully not too grown up :s
+ my sister and phoebe and giorgia are coming up tomorrow i think. which means i get to catch up and whip them into doing work
- saving is going shit. but, you gotta eat right? if only you could not have to, and then be able to just keep living. harhar, not to sound pro-ed or anything.
+ pay went up. sweeeeeeeeet ^.^ i messed up the water a bit. well, i left a tap on and 20000L of water went down the drain. so, thats why saving is going shit, cos of that. but, yeah heide said i've been keeping up and doing well, so more cha-chings for me.
- i have to clean up. fails.
+ i'm staying in the big house while heide is away. which means, dvds and awesome heating.
+ growing my hair. i've been manically cutting it, im almost bald again now. thinking a few months and then extensions, because i'd like dreds. dreds and shaved bits. hmm...
- friendships are failing. don't really feel like talking about that too much. i just miss everyone a lot. i miss not having resposibility and just being able to feel carefree. which is ironic because i was never really even that carefree when i wasn't responsible. or less responsible than i was now. ugh.
+ housemate is, ok. everything there is going ok. it still feels a little superficial but she's good to talk to and does a lot for me. i'm grateful for her.
-/+ mental and emotional health was going so stupidly shit. just returning home made me realise that everyone had grown up so much, and everything seemed so different. but then i realised that it hadn't changed at all. my mother and father still have the same relationship with each other that they always did. only my sister actually has a chance to survive the madness that is mom and dad. she is stronger than i was.
+ awesome new music. enough said.
+ drawing and photos. i've started some of that stuff again. i think if my art-ish side dies i can always go do design, or fashion. or styling. im ridiculously optimistic now about the future.

but, i guess everyones problems are always overwhelming. its ok. i understand.



i've realised how incredibly unemotional i am. or have become (?).
i have a feeling it has something to do with the fact that the past two/three years of my life had been so emotionally dramatic, that its like it's all been removed?
i don't know.
thats how it feels.


i image people i love dying and feel nothing.


on a less dramatic note, my riding is improving. a lot. now, for strength.

i was having doubts about how long i was going to stay at the job i have now. things were just, starting to fall apart. i was feeling like it was time to leave, to move on.
but yesterday i rode for the first time in a week and it just put into my mind how i know i can balance everything, even if i feel i can't. it's one thing i've always had a stupid fear about, but now after so long i know i can leave that behind me.

i'm shooting with kimothy next week i think. she called about a concept, so i'll have photos about that.
harhar, the photos ive been promising you all for so long xD

shh

i'm not sure if i discussed kings of leon here yet, but let me just sum it up by saying it was FREAKING AMAZING! they played just enough new stuff to keep the people who jumped on the bandwagon happy but enough of the old stuff. and the mosh was kind, a good first mosh for the young'ins i had with me ^.^ yeah, cannot stress it enough, it was, incredibly. oh, and the friend. kudos to you mate :D

i got socked in the nose yesterday. it's just a little swollen but of course my return to melbourne ensured a lot of "OMFG ITS BROKE-D!" comments from my mother, and a cussload of swollen-nose jokes from my sister. whatever.
waiting for a phone call from a new friend to catchup, which should be could. seeing people is a huge plus in my life atm. OH! love to maggie who is going back into hospital for a short while (fingers crossed!). aaaaaaaaah and much love to kitten who is going to be visiting zecuntry soon ^.^


i wish, i had more money. i wish i was better at saving and food wasn't so freaking expensive. i wish for every day i had, i had another but with time stopped. i wish i had my lisence already. i wish i wasn't so giving and more selfish. i wish, i was a lot more selfish actually.
i like to wish.

it's times like last night that make me realise that my real true friends i care about so much.

i was feeling a little down in the dumps for not talking or seeing people in such a long time, but the conversations i had with good friends i hadn't seen for 5+ months... it was like nothing had changed.
it was so, uplifting. and very comforting.

in other news, it feels like my whole body is throbbing. uppers FTW! ~



oh. and, my tooth operation was succesful, as far as i can tell. there was no bruising or swelling (well, slight swelling). the gum's gone all weird around the stiches, but yes, antibiotics and painkillers. FUN

lemons on your balls, have you paid your rent yet? (LMAO CONNIE)


ah. ah. i was going to say something else but i forget. OH YEAH, i was talking to len about his tattoo artist, to get my first ink. he got a piece done on his upper arm which looks amaaazing; so apart from saving cash for that, also for my piercings, and the laptop i reaaaaally want to get.

god i love independence.

it's a little scary.
i mean, they haven't come close to us yet. black saturday was really the scariest day ever. but im hoping that tomorrow is ok.
my boss has gone on holidays, so it's me and lia looking after the place. for the week. EEEEEK

kitten was in circa nocturna, i'm so fkn proud.
my tooth is going in soon, piercings are going in soon xD
and, i have purple hair. almost enough to start ink (money wise, i mean)





and to end, let me just say - HALLUCINOGENIC JEWS

we didn't get hit by the fires.
lack of internet makes this thing hard to update. i don't think i'll be around.
reclusing yet again.

photos soon, i really really promise <3