i just bought a cute little case for my ds (and other things) and am about to go art student on its ass. i'll take some images and let you know how it goes. of course before and after pics :D i'm thinking leopard print and studs.... ah damn. i just ran upstairs and i have little to no material left D:
i need to make a huuuuuge trip to spotlight to go and get a shitload of clothes-making provisions *plots* this break is going to be mad :)

i went to tafe today and finished both my major paintings, along with two other painting tasks. so i only have sculpture to finish off at tafe, and then a minor painting task to be done over the holidays, and thats it! :D

i haven't been this excited about a lot of things, since, well, three month's ago. i'm just glad i got through may and june, to be honest.
me and mum might go shopping this week. well, i'm hoping before everyone else get's on holidays and then those little spoilt scenies get all the good threads *shakesfist*

oh! and if you have't already, add me to msn -> c.wolfe@hotmail.co.uk
i get lonely sometimes.



(and, i haven't changed anything in my profile yet, seeing as my web is being stupid! grr...)

i love that i can just be sitting on the computer, playing some tunes, mucking around on the web. and have my sister walk in, boogie along and re-create rancid lyrics xD

my sister's going with one of our friends to see that zohan movie. i made myself a really bad mocha after a crazy to try and wake myself up and all it's done has made me want to pee really bad.
oh yeah, weekend!
it was my 19th birthday yesterday. really, i didn't tell anyone, and the only people that really knew were my family and a few close friends. i don't like to advertise it, to be honest it's really just a day that doesn't hold that much importance to me personally. anyway, i went skating with comakisses and her friends friday night, and i had a really freaking awesome time; it just gave me a lot of confidence to know that i can skate a little better than before. (some more stuff on this rollerderby thing a little later..), and just chilled out the rest of the night. saturday i spent most the day waiting for a friend who got sick :( but still managed to get some decent window shopping done. and today, just relaxing.

again, things are coming down to the issue of money. i would really like some new clothes. but, at the same time, i know i cannot commit myself to the vrdl unless i am able to afford to be a member of the league. that means that i've not been going to training sessions, because most times i've been having to borrow someone's skates and then return them halfway through the session and it's been a little frustrating. i'm thinking that i had *ahem* a rather large sum of money put into my bank account, i can -almost- afford the skates i was looking for. which means, a little more for shipping plus some extra goodies...
but then the money i was saving for clothes will be used for skates. so, again, things are down to the issue of funding. and i wish it wasn't so.

ugh. tafe stuff i have to finish off this week, just painting and sculpture, and then i'm on holidays. the sooner its done the sooner i can go skate. i'd rather be skating.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah i need a whole bunch of new music. go, go, recommend! i'm kinda thinking, more rockin' swingin' kinda tunes guys.



-
a bit of domestics. i'm changing things around on this lj atm. maybe check it out when you have some time (and when my computer decides to co-operate -__-)

one thing i love about my life: i've been printmaking for the past week, non-stop (i;m trying to get all my work handed in this week). so my hands are covered in ink, thats pretty damn hard to get out of your fingertips. and i really don't like printmaking at all, to be honest. but, this week, i've has people in the street, or people i've just met respect me. i have been respected, just because i engross myself if what i love. i mean, it's really not an attractive thing, having your fingers look like they've been harrased by a permenant texta. but for some odd reason, i don't know, something has changed. it's a strange thing, respect...
i have never felt so respected or felt like people are actually interested in what i do, ever.
and it's a nice thing, to feel respected. to feel like people actually enjoy your company, want you to stay around, talk with you.


this wednesday i ran into a friend i hadn't seen in a while. and, i was never really close with this person. but, they do what they can to make me feel comfortable and wanted whenever they can. i'm very grateful for this person, especially as we are not very close friends at all.

i would love to think that maybe, one day, things will fix themselves. but that being said, nothing will ever get done if you sit around waiting for it to. i know i'm not an optimistic person, in fact, quite the opposite. but i like to think that good days are just as common as bad days. i like to think that my mind will not do what it does, all the time. i would like to think that i can beat this.
deja vu: did i not say this last week, last month, last year ?


no matter how happy i am, i know that i'll always have this inkling that things will take a turn for the worse.

do you have an opinion; a mind of your own ?
i thought you were special, i thought you should know.


i've been thinking so much about the people i hardly see. and the one's i hold onto because i love them so goddamn much. its slowly draining the life from me. i wish i could worry about everyone forever, but i know you can't help someone if they're not willing to help themselves. and, some people will never change - there is nothing you can do about that.



- also, just before i go to wait around for my internet to load things (*shakesfist!*), is anyone else a little bemused with the new myspazz settings? they're rather strange.
oh! add me if you haven't already -> clicky



♥

these glasses are to die for! *swoon*


i hate the week countdown to things. its stupid.












eeeeeeeeeeeek my painting looks crappy. oh well.

i go into the doc's on wednesday for some good ol' tooth-drillin action. w00t!

it was friday the 13th last night. and mom took me shopping. AND! i picked up zelda; phantom hourglass! *bounces*
lolz, i worked out that the hours i have free at the moment are impossible to get an actual job. bahaha! its just my luck. oh well. i'm feeling rather cheery at the moment. you know, seeing as i'm uber behind on tafe work and as much as i love the idea of roller derby, i just feel so uncomfortable.
i need to get my skates already, frick!



i've been looking around at these cute little comic things. i dunno, they're adorable and make me smile.








-
wow, i'm really surprised at the amount of raised voices in my household. its, a little unnerving. especially when i'm trying to stay calm, and relaxed. its lovely.

oh! and i turned my wall into a make-shift easel; i started my second painting for tafe. 8D

oh my god, guys i'm so sorry that i linked to porn here. wtf? the link i was using was corrupt. :/


anyway. click here. i've been reading this every morning and it's been cheering me up a little.

and also. i actually went to tafe today. it was rather encouraging, knowing that i'm really not that behind on things.
and, i saw lachlan after school, which kinda made me smile a bit. i dunno.

i was watching neighbors (the tv show) today and watching that chick sam's life was just like watching my life on the screen. well, the mania. it kinda irked me a lot.


clipping my hair on monday, prolly into a baby-hawk ^^ teehee.



i hope things are well with you all. i'm feeling a little better.

so i'll pretend things are ok, if that's what you want.
i'm left here waiting for you to pick up the phone and call.
or to somehow arrive on my doorstep and magically make things disappear.

i wish i could sleep at night knowing that you are safe.


--

things from tafe are plateau-ing rather stressfully.
i just have to get a good mark for the theory component of the course and hopefully the prac will be ok.
hopefully.

my concepts are completely rubbish, but floating along seems to be serving me well.



ah i've been panic-attacking around the place all lovely-like and stuff.
people are seriously starting to scare me. i see someone i know and this other creature emerges from my mind to greet them, and smile and laugh at their jokes. and as i'm walking away i feel a shudder run through my spine as i cringe and wish i could just evaporate.

funny. it's no longer depressing. rather, scaring the anxious fuck out of me.
oh well.


cross posted to here for the first time everrrr

aaaaaaaaaaaah a mental friday has messed my head. i now feel like a dirty slut whore (hickeys and all), and a drug fiend.
and. ugh. i just wish things were more clear.
my friends... i'm not even sure if they are my friends. *headdesk*
i had my mobile phone taken off me, from what happened on friday. so no more cell D:


--
it's taken me this long to update, because its taken me three days to be able to hold my head up vertically and wait for the page to load.
ugh. ugh ugh. ugh ugh ugh.

i'm feeling really overwhelmed with everything at the moment. i'm needing money for skates. i want to skate. i'm dealing with parental shit. i'm struggling to keep in contact with people. i'm stuggling to stay sober during the week. i'm having difficulties keeping myself afloat at tafe. i was sick, so i missed with rollerderby. i need money for skates ($130+). i need a job.
fucking euphoria likes to mess me up.


i've never been so sure in my life that this is bipolar.
i was told that the good times are so good, that the bad times just don't compare. but these bad times are a nightmare.
i just wish i lived with someone. or close to someone. who i could cuddle. and get cuddles from.
and just talk to.
i feel like im losing people so -so- bad. and i hate it.
everyone's busy, i get it. but i'm just so busy i crave people. i don't know what to freaking do. i'm stuck.

and now i'm freaking rambling.
ugh.
[/end]

ugh. i had a huge breakout today. ugh. ugh. ugh.
first of all, i did this work for my tafe oral, and yeah, my teacher pretty much blasted the shit out of me in front of the class. but i deserved it. it put me in my place, and made me realise im just a lazy little shit ^_^ hohum. started some lino-cutting today, to do some prints with next week. i tell you what, that shit is more complicated than i expected.
oh, and my teacher changed my photography class from wednesday to friday, which means that what i had organised with kat (to model for her school stuff on that day) wasn't going to work out - and she got seriously shitty with me.
but, whatever. shit things happen in my life but i'm not going to dwell on them.
moving on.


my weekend... friday night, nothing. connie went to stay with her friend, so i had the computer to myself that night. just doing some odd ends that needed tidying up.
uh, saturday modeled for sheridyn (here), so hopefully she gets the images soon so i can show you all. i got to mannequin in the window of Route66, and inside the store, and the chick working in there asked sheridyn to send her a couple for the website (maybe!) EXCITING!

and and and sunday was mother's day. i wrote a letter to mom just explaining everything to her in the way that i'm trying to grow as a person etc, and all that fun stuff. and then, at 10.30 i left to get into the city on time to meet up with rachel, jump on a train, and go skating with the Victorian Roller Derby League's Fresh-Meat class. which was pretty much just 7 of us new kids learning shit while the other awesome girls did training and exercises. i only fell on my butt a couple of times, so i reckon that was ok! :D we did pretty epic warmups though - full on pushups and situps. this actually has a chance of making me fit! for those that don't know about roller derby

i got sized up for actual skates, seeing as i would be looking to buy some (i borrowed all my gear seeing as i can't afford any at the moment), and i'm a men's 6 (so yeah, hint, these are the skates that i was recommended to get. which, to be honest, they are a bit expensive ($US123.50, $AUD131.26) - but they have aluminium trucks -and- are better for narrow feet (which i have, duh). i think if i just go down to my local rink to hirew skates while i get my skating experience up for a bit, sell some shit on ebay (to make some $$) and get a job, i should be able to buy skates, which means that i can at least borrow pads/helmet until i can afford them as well - so then i can train all the time!
ooooh im so excited about this :D

oh im so overwhelmed with the fact that this might just work out :D

she's open waiting for more

i feel so. hm. i feel like, i'm complaining about things that in the long run really don't mean anything, while my friends are actually going through shit. i want to help, but i feel relatively useless in that aspect. i avoid seeing people at most costs nowadays, i'm getting too anxious about certain things... i dunno. i've taken a few steps backward in that regard.

the weather has suddenly gotten freeeeeeezing around melbourne. i must not only be the only one who has notices this. it's funny, because suddenly all those clothes i've been meaning to alter, i really just want to wear shitty or not shitty.
there's a few skirts i want to make shorter, and a patch i'd like to stick onto a jumper. i really need to stop procrastinating and motivate myself. i spend all my time waiting for other people to motivate me - it's terribly detrimental, because lets face it how much time do i really spend with people anyway ?

hm.




im just waiting for a picture to load from our easter this weekend to put up here.
we found what looks like a speed lab in my grandad's basement. even though we really just know its his home-made alcohol :P
i dunno. my thoughts on religion have not changed since i was 16, and i stand firm by them, even though my gran was getting all shitty at me for it. ugh.


i have a plan for next year - psc part time, then working during the day (doing night classes) = $$ = move out of home. it seems like it could work. hopefully.
i discussed it with a girl who is doing psc night part-time and it's working for her. i think that way if im making some money, i'd be a lot happier. well, combined with the possibility of not living at home, that would be even better. hm...